W.C. Fields Children Hour
1. Children should neither be seen nor heard from -- ever again.
2. I never met a kid I liked.
3. I like children. If they're properly cooked.
4. Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
5. They are also very good with mustard.
6. Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.